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A Lawyer Joke A Day Keeps the Subpoena Away September 18, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, Idiocy.
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Homeygas!!! I can’t bilib it!! I’VE NEVER POSTED A LAWYER JOKE IN MY BLAWG!!!!

I must rectify that situation at once!

 

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Lawyer Joke #1: The Idealistic New Lawyer

 

There was once this idealistic, young, good-looking and magnificent new lawyer that recently passed the Bar and he was offered to join this large law firm, because he had so much magnificent potential.

So the law firm made him all the fancy offers… a new car, a million peso acceptance bonus, a condominium in Makati… yadda yadda yadda.

But the lawyer was so idealistic that he told the firm: “Thank you for your offers but I must know… what is your firm’s policy on pro bono cases?”

The firm partners looked very serious and asked the new lawyer for some time to discuss the matter.

The partners got together in a huddle and debated and argued and discussed the matter. After an hour of this, one of the partners finally could take it no longer and approached the young lawyer.

He said: “Uhm… what’s pro bono?”

 

 

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Lawyer Joke #2: Say Cheese!

 

When taking a lawyer’s picture, what is the one word that a photographer can say to make the lawyer smile?

“Okay Attorney, say “FEES!”

 

 

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Lawyer Joke #3: How to Save a Lawyer

 

QUESTION: What is the best way to save a drowning lawyer?

ANSWER: Take your foot off his head.

 

 

 

 

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Lawyer Joke #4: The Devil’s Advocate

 

The Devil once visited the Magnificent Atty. Perez’s office to make him an offer.

 

Our brilliant young lawyer, very much shocked, could only stand up and scream, “HOMEYGAS!! Speaker of the House De Venecia!!! What are you doing in my office??? I swear, my internet connection is legal!!! I did not pirate my broadband connection from my Chinese client!!”

 

To which the Devil laughed and said, “Oh shush, I am not Speaker De Venecia… I am only the Devil. Now listen up. I can arrange some things for you.”

 

The Magnificent Atty. Perez sat down and pressed his stopwatch, so that he could bill the Devil.

 

The Devil continued, “I’ll make you the richest and most handsome lawyer in the Philippines. Your partners will all be Erap, Marcos and Arroyo cronies. People everywhere will fear your power and your prowess in court. You’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. You will be so sexy and popular that sex-film starlets will pay you money just to have you visit their bed. You will no longer be a minor internet celebrity but instead, your blawg will be so popular that you will need your own lease line and dedicated server to handle all the traffic” And then the Devil paused.

 

The Magnificent Atty. Perez was interested and listened more. He glanced at the Devil’s shoes and was surprised to find that the Devil did indeed wear Prada.

 

The Devil finally concluded, “In exchange for all this, Atty. Perez, I will…” then the Devil leaned forward and whispered to the handsome young lawyer’s ears.

 

The Magnificent Atty. Perez was shocked, amazed and stood up, yelling.

 

“IN RETURN FOR WEALTH, FAME, POWER AND PRESTIGE YOU WANT ME TO SELL THE ETERNAL SOULS OF MY WIFE, MY CHILDREN, MY CHILDREN’S CHILDREN, THEIR YAYAS AND THAT OF THE FAMILY DOG????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????”

 

Then the Magnificent Atty. Perez leaned forward and asked the Devil,

 

“What’s the catch?”

 

 

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Lawyer Joke #5: Criminal Law Tips

 

When I was in Manila last week, I helped my fellow graduates from Harvard University by giving them our Pink Tips, which all the other law schools and universities are fighting for. Since it was criminal law, I predicted one question and put it in the Harvard Notes. Sure enough, the question was asked by the Criminal Law examiner in Item No. 11 of last Sunday’s exam.

The situation was, “R was married to Y, who was a Turkish citizen. Y had a fight with R, who had to fly over to the Philippines to be comforted by her mother A, who was a Cebuana, and her father E, who was not. Y flew over to the Philippines to say that he was sorry to R, who blew off his invitation to bring their family on a beach abroad. R said that she would rather go to Boracay or to Hadsan. Y got insulted and took the family cat hostage with him to Turkey.”

Item No. 1 then asks, “What is a criminal lawyer. Please define.”

The Harvard Notes suggested answer: “A criminal lawyer? That’s redundant.”

 

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Lawyer Joke #6: Prized Possession

 

The Magnificent Atty. Perez was driving his big Ferrari Testarossa down the highway, singing to himself, “Lalalala… I love my Testarossa. Lalalalala…. I love my Testarossa.”

 

Focusing on his car, not his driving, the Magnificent Atty. Perez smashed into a balete tree. He walked out, with bloody bruises on his face, his body hurting all over, and with his nose broken and mangled beyond repair. Then he stopped to assess the damage.

 

“My Ferarri Testarossa!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!” he screamed in sorrow.

 

Surprisingly one of the loyal fans of his blawg drove by and cried out, “Oh no!!! Magnificent Atty. Perez!!! You’re bleeding! We have to take you to the hospital and… HOMAYGAS!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEFT ARM??? IT’S GONE!!!!”

 

The Magnificent Atty. Perez, horrified, looked at the stump of his left arm and screamed. “MY ROLEX!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!”

 

 

 

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Lawyer Joke #8: Victory!

One day, a magnificent young lawyer was in Dipolog defending a criminal case in favor of the accused. He fought with such verve, passion and expertise that the judge found the case to his favor and acquitted the lawyer’s client.

The magnificent young lawyer’s boss subsequently sent him a text message asking, “So, how was the case?”

Feeling pleased with himself and his great victory, the magnificent young lawyer txt’ed back and replied, “Justice triumphed.”

His boss called him up and said, “APPEAL IMMEDIATELY!!!”

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Comments»

1. tinuod nga botbot - September 19, 2007

HOMEYGAS!! I made a quick research about pro bono and google took me to wikipedia and showed me this:

Pro bono publico (often shortened to pro bono) is a phrase derived from Latin meaning “for the public good.” The term is sometimes used to describe professional work undertaken voluntarily and without payment, as a public service. It is common in the legal profession and is increasingly seen in marketing, technology and strategy consulting firms. Unlike traditional volunteerism, pro bono service leverages the specific skills of professionals to provide services to those who are unable to afford them.

In the legal profession, pro bono counsel may assist an individual or group on a legal case, in filing government applications or petitions or on appeal. If the case is won, occasionally the judge may determine that the loser should compensate the pro bono counsel.

In the UK, “pro bono publico” is sometimes used to describe the central motivation of large organisations such as the BBC, the National Health Service and various NGOs, which exist “for the public good” rather than for shareholder profit as well as legal or professional work.

HOMEYGAS!! My Rolex!!! hahahahahahahaha
What’s the Catch?!!!!!
Appeal Immediately!!!!! hahahahahahahahah

HOMEYGAS!!

2. tinuod nga botbot - September 19, 2007

panyero, pde na ko maglawyer kay nakatubag man ko sa imong question about pro bono hahahahahaha.. dumb ass criminal laywer hahahahahaha

3. northwolf - September 19, 2007

Hahaha… pag law na panyero! Pwede na ka mag pro-bono, basta dili lang puro-abuno. Nyahahaha.

Dumb-ass criminal lawyer —-> how redundant ^_^

4. karlo mikhail - October 6, 2007

I must rectify that situation at once!

hahahaha, and you really did. 😀

5. northwolf - October 6, 2007

I aim to please 🙂

6. Jarek Przygódzki - May 28, 2009

Justice triumphed. APPEAL IMMEDIATELY!!!

LOL

7. eyespeak - June 11, 2011

LMAO! Well done, Atty. M! 😉


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