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I Know All There Is To Know About the Crying Game August 15, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, Idiocy, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.
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Dear Magnificent Atty. Perez,May a thousand winds fan you with cool breezes despite the heat of an unforgiving sun!

Good day! My name is Fazouk, I am a camel trader from Middle Eastern country. Around 8 months ago, I met this divine vision of loveliness from your country, a creature whom the angels have gifted with the name “Maricar.” She and I met through the wonders of cybersex on the Internet.

I pursued and courted Maricar for 4 months, communicating with each other through e-mail, chatting, webcam and phone calls, until eventually, I made the grand decision to fly all over to your beautiful country to finally meet my love. Do you believe in love at first sight, Attorney? That was how I felt when I first saw Maricar at the airport. She was literally the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t wait to alone with her and ravish her with the burning passions of the Mideastern dessert.

Fortunately, during the third day of my stay in the Philippines, I finally got my chance. The walls of Jericho caved in for Fazouk and my Maricar found her sweet body on my soft hotel bed.

But that was where I learned the bitter truth, your Magnificence. May a thousand and one of Sulaiman’s djinns strike me blind, deaf, mute but not impotent!!! May a sandworm rise from the desert and eat all my camels, leaving behind nothing but precious spice!!! What is the truth, you may ask??? What is the bitter truth???

Maricar’s real name is MARIO CARUNGOY!!

Yes Attorney!!! Under the cruel fluorescent light of harsh reality, my lover could no longer hide her secrets, with her body laid bare and open to all scrutiny and so I had to ask, “What is THAT????!!!!!”

Oh the shame!! The shame!! My father is turning in his grave, grief stricken by the fallow turns of fate dealt upon his foolish son. However, Attorney, destiny has left me a greater sorrow when I realized that I cannot help it… I AM IN LOVE WITH MARICAR!!! Yes!!! Whoever he, she or it may be, I LOVE YOU MARICAR!! YOU COMPLETE ME! I’ve realized the truth… I cannot live without you! Oh the shame!!! May my father strike me dead!!!

These are my plans Attorney: First, I cannot accept the fact that Maricar’s sheesha pipe is bigger than that of my camel’s, so I am going to pay for her sex-change operation so that he, she, or it will finally become a REAL woman.

Second, I want to make Maricar happy by getting married in the Philippines, attended by all of his, her or it’s close family and friends. But will the Philippines legally recognize Maricar as my wife? Will it be alright to get married in a Catholic church when I am not even a Christian?

If this is not possible, can we go somewhere else that will legally recognize our uhm… unusual marriage arrangements, like for example Amsterdam in the Netherlands? Will that be legally recognized?

Please help me Attorney… I have no one else to turn to!

Love hurts,

Fazouk the Camel Salesman

Dear Fazouk,

I sympathize with your predicament and may I just say that truly, there is a truism to Shakespeare when he wrote that “Love has its reason which reason does not know.” This fact was even recognized by the Supreme Court in the poignant case of Chua-Qua vs Hon. Jacobo Clave (G.R. No. L-4959, August 1990).

Unfortunately for you and your Mario Carungoy (erstwhile known as the lovely Maricar), the Philippines is quite adamant and strict in the interpretation of the law where no less than our Family Code has defined marriage as:

“A special contract of permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with the law for the establishment of conjugal and family life.”

Article 2 of the same law further requires the following essential requisites:

1) Legal capacity of the contracting parties who must be a male and a female, and;

2) Consent freely given in the presence of the solemnizing officer.

So, needless to say my friend, if you do get married to your precious Maricar whether here or in another country, your union will not be recognized by the Philippines because under the eyes of our law, Maricar will always be a MAN, regardless of whether or not you will cut off his, her or its manhood and feed it to your camels. And in our country, a man could NOT marry another man. (And besides… you did not mention which country you come from, but isn’t it possible that in certain Middle Eastern countries, you and Maricar would get stoned to death for having that kind of marriage?)

So, whether or not Maricar will undergo a sex-change operation, in the eyes of Philippine law, Maricar will always be Mario Carungoy. Why? For your marriage to be valid, the law requires that Maricar should have been born as a woman, and not become a “woman” subsequently thereafter. This fact is explained by Article 1 of the Family Code when it provides that the purpose of marriage is for the establishment of conjugal and family life, or in other words… the biological procreation of children must have a shade of possibility from the onset of your marriage.

Finally, although it is already moot and academic at this point, I would like to state that had Maricar truly been a natural woman and not merely a “you make me feel like a natural woman”, it would have been alright for the two of you to get married in a Catholic church, even if you are not Catholic. Paragraph 2 of Article 7 of the Family Code provides that:

Marriage may be solemnized by:

xxx

2) Any priest, rabbi, imam, or minister of any church or religious sect and registered with the civil registrar general, acting within the limits of the written authority granted him by his church or religious sect and provided that at least one of the contracting parties belongs to the solemnizing officer’s church or religious sect;

I feel your pain and torment, Fazouk. I hope you and your Maricar will find happiness despite all the obstacles that the world will pin on your union. Whether or not such happiness will lie in each other’s arms, is a matter I don’t wish to judge. Everybody deserves to be happy, that is all I want to say. 8)

My friend Matet has a saying and I’m sure you’ll agree with me on this: “When the world hands you lemons…. grab some tequila and salt and call me over right away.”

Good luck Fazouk and may you find shade in an oasis far away from the sun.

Sincerely,

the Magnificent Atty. Perez

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Comments»

1. Mr Carl Zeiss - August 15, 2007

Hhahahaahahha Kaluoy ni Fazouk…
Attorney Magnificent, please tell your client Fazouk na I offer to be the ninong of their first puppy.

Sincerely,

Mr Carl Zeiss

2. sai - August 15, 2007

“When the world hands you lemons…. grab some tequila and salt and call me over right away.”

by that you mean THREESOME?!!!!

hehehe

3. northwolf - August 15, 2007

Hahaha… threesome moleng. Inspired ko sa atong classmate Sai… the man who is now known as Janette ^_^

4. tinuod nga botbot - August 16, 2007

hehehehehhe.. heheheheheheh
heheheheheh atay oi..

5. leylander - August 22, 2007

hehehe. Mao man gyud ni nigawas sa midterms last night sa Persons and Family Relations namo. Waaah. At least correct ako answers. LOL.

Steady lang Fazouk! =)

6. northwolf - August 22, 2007

Leylander: taga USC ka? Hehehe.

Basig dinhi ra kuhaa ni Atty. Monteclar ang imong exam… peborit student ra ba ko ato… hehehehe.

7. leylander - August 22, 2007

toinks. hahaha. taga San Jo man ko. Si Atty. Paredes ako teacher. hehehe..

basta peborit raba, brayt jud na. aw o. brayt man ka. hehe. piso be. LOL

8. northwolf - August 22, 2007

Titser pud na nako si Atty. Paredes… ang babay?

Peborit ko ni Atty. Monteclar kay siya man ang among coach sa swimming team… pero mao ra pud to na coach nga nakaingon og:

“Naunsa na diay to ang akong team, wa pa diay to manglumos? Issue-han nato og salbabida beh.”

Hehehe.

9. leylander - August 22, 2007

Yes. Babaye nga Atty. Paredes. Last night amo midterms. Perting taasa sa test oi!

Maayo diay ka mulangoy. Ingon sila basta lawyer daw malumos, walay musave. Maong important ang kabalo mulangoy. Nyahahaha.

10. northwolf - August 22, 2007

Mao lagi intawon. Pero maayo na lang gani ang abogadong malumos, dili man kaonon sa iho, piranha, buaya, bitin og uban pang malditong mananap. Naa pa uroy mi og professional courtesy.

11. leylander - August 22, 2007

LOL. Sakto! Hahahaha

12. Naglibog Na Intawon CO - September 11, 2007

Dear Magnifient Atty. Perez. PLEASE HELP. pirmi gyud ko check here for new updates. Now it’s my turn to ask some legal advice from you. Hope you can enlighten us>>>My niece used to have a japanese fiancee and sometimes he visited her in Cebu, Phils. They build a house, and the property (house & lot) is in my niece’ name. They’re not legally married and now the japanese ended their relationship and went back to Japan and asked my niece to sell the property and give him the 50% of the money. My niece of course did not agree with him and the japanese issued a special power of attorney to his japanese friend who has filipina wife to pursue a case against my niece. Now my niece is worried about her situation. I appreciate if you can give me some legal advice since my niece did not agree to sell the house & share the money. All documents of the property are in my niece’ name. Again, thanks in advance for all your advice.

Thank you very much,
concuracha

13. marian jane alumbro - June 27, 2008

haha atty. “the magnificent” perez, i think you have a black hand or a power of insight. you might be born unnder a lucky star because a few weeks ago this kind of story actually happened and was reported in the front age of SunStar Cebu. Except, the foreigner did not stay and fought his love for his ummm “husba-wife” but he left the Philipines when he found out about her/his/it’s real actual uhmmm sheezzzaahh and had his marriage annulled by his lawyer remotely. I hope you have heard about this. hehehe! hala ka! roflol

14. northwolf - June 28, 2008

Hehehe… yeah, I read that article, but I forgot that I wrote about it long long ago. Hehehe. Yeah, maybe I have superpowers or something. ; ) Thanks!

15. The Magnificent Atty. Perez - July 10, 2011

[…] city that never sleeps!  I was googling for help about my problem when I came across your site and the problem about the lovely “Maricar”.  After reading your advice to Fazouk, I knew you would give the right advice for me.  You see, […]

16. Loki Firefox - July 11, 2011

So does this mean if a man who is recognized as a woman legally in her country (after having a sex-change operation) travels to the Philippines is still recognized as a man under Philippine law?

Also, if Article 1 of the Family Code is understood to mean that way, doesn’t that mean then that a man or a woman who knows they can not have children shouldn’t be able to get married?

northwolf - July 13, 2011

Hey “Loki”!

First question: Yes.

Second question: If you’re talking about arguments, yes, it would suppose so. But it’s not prohibited by law, so there’s nothing stopping them from getting married.

Loki Firefox - July 13, 2011

Sorry, can you clarify just a bit further. Article 1 means that the purpose of marriage is for the establishment of conjugal and family life

BUT

you can still get married even if you have no intention (or unable) to establish a family? Because the law doesn’t say that to get married you have to and be able to establish a family?

So for argument’s sake, if you remove all other considerations except for Article 1, two men or two women can get married even if they cannot have children with each other?

northwolf - July 13, 2011

Hehehe. You’re persnickety, aren’t you Loki? But I understand why you are.

Article 1 is merely an explanatory article which explains the spirit and intent of the law for statutory construction purposes. It is not, by itself, an enforceable provision of the law which vests any rights, hence if you use it as a basis for asserting your rights, it will not grant you any, considering that a more explicit provision of the law, i.e., Article 2, clearly defines what the parameters of marriage are.

These articles do not stand alone on matters of statutory construction. You have to read the law in its totality in order to glean the intent of its framers.

So to answer your argument, no. Your contention will not prosper.


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