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Deep Thoughts By Atty. Perez (vol. 2) July 22, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.
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I apologize… I’ve been so lazy. I have a lot of things to write about, but I can’t summon the motivation to do so. Let me make up for it by recycling an old post that I made in my old Friendster blog.

DEEP THOUGHTS BY ATTY. PEREZ VOL. 2 08/09/2006

Future criminals, take note: I have mapped out the perfect plan for you to get away scot-free from criminal liability. If you’re thinking of committing a crime, this is what you should first do:

1) Go to a very public and very crowded elevator. I recommend the one in Ayala-Cebu… the one near the fountain.

2) Wait for passengers to get in. It’s best if it’s very full. Try to make sure it’s filled with strangers, because strangers make very credible witnesses. If possible, make sure one of the passengers is either a grandmother, a judge, or a priest.

3) Pick the right moment. Usually, it’s one where the elevator is perfectly silent and people are occupied in their own thoughts.

4) When the right moment comes… meow. That’s right. Meow.

5) The passengers on the elevator, will, of course, stare at you. Keep quiet when they do and don’t look them in the eye. Look like you’re not aware of what’s going on. To achieve that look, pretend you’re really, really bored or really, really constipated… or both.

6) When they look away, meow again. You heard me. Again.

7) Repeat steps 5 and 6 as often as you think necessary, for full measure.

By this time, the passengers on the elevator will think you’re absolutely out of your mind insane. Which is good, because that’s exactly what you want to make them think.

8) Repeat this behaviour on at least five separate occasions, preferrably in the same elevator. You want to establish a reputation as the “Crazy Meowing Passenger of the Ayala Elevator” or any similar location.

That being done, you are now free to commit your crime. They can’t pin anything on you…. you’re already proven to be insane. Insanity is, after all, an absolutory circumstance. Your estate will be liable for civil obligations, of course, but at least you won’t go to jail.

Have fun.

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