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Ang Bagong Superhero ng Bayan July 7, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.

Dear Magnificent Atty. Perez,

Torney, I am thank you, your so kind. It is me, you know, Maritess, from de Superprinds. Torney, I am fans of your blag. You know, you mention me in your blags, and I am a happy. Your so kind Torney, and your fans of Sarah Geronimo. I am fans of Victor Wood but I am also fans of Sarah Geronimo. She’s like Megastar, you know, Sharon. Your so kind Torney, your so kind.

You help Ging-ging Torney. You help her with the aliens. And you help her for free, you know, Torney, your so kind. Like bald man in Sparta, you know Torney, your so kind.

Please Torney, you have to help me. Hindi ko na kaya Torney. I am slave of Superprinds, please watch video Torney, slave ako nila! I am tired Torney, all day long I am a tired. Si Aquaman Torney, he’s still angry with me, because I cook the fish Attorney. You know, that’s not right! Pilipino ako Torney. I am love the fish! So, you know, I give Aquaman the hipon and the ginamos, but he still angry Attorney! He’s not from Sparta, Attorney, he’s not kind! Pero I said na man I am suri Aquaman, I am so suri!! But Aquaman, you know, he is the angry with me. He told me to clean his kubeta Attorney, pero it’s so big! Our swimming pool is kasilyas Attorney and it’s so dirty and so baho, and yuck, it has little mermaid! Thats not right Torney! It’s not right!!!

And Superman Torney, he’s a bad. He’s a bad Torney! I told him, Wag po kuya Superman wag po! I am not a Lois Lane! But… but… OH ATTORNEY HE’S A BAD!!! He’s an alien Attorney! He is not a normal.. I thought he was a normal but he’s not attorney! Iba ang pagka lalake niya! Dalawa!! And he’s a bad Attorney, he is not a kind! So, I borrow from Batman Attorney, you know, the green bato… Batman told me to play with the green bato when Superman wants to play with me. But it’s a bad also Attorney. The bato looks so nice and glow in the dark, you know, but it make Superman sick!! So you know, I kick Superman in the kuwan, you know Attorney, over there. And Superman look even more sick! And Batman was laughing and laughing!

I told Superman, I’m suri Kuya!! I’m suri!!! I will call 911 and bring you to hospital!! Pero Batman say doctor cannot heal the Superman because you know Attorney, he is the alien. But I read your blag Attorney and told him we will call the Transformers because maybe you know, they are cousins of the Batmobile and the Invisible Jet, and you know they are the alien too.

You have to help me Attorney, they make me the slave! I cannot eat the fish! And Kuya Superman Attorney, he’s so bad! But now, he’s so sick! They told me I will go to jail Attorney, but maybe Superman forgive me Attorney because he said I will go to Phantom Zone instead. I don’t like jail Attorney, so I will go to the Phantom Zone. Is that vacation Attorney?

Please help me Attorney, you are the kind.




Dear Maritess,

First of all, I have to salute you, and all the overseas workers of the Philippines. Mabuhay ang mga bagong bayani ng Pilipinas, mas higit pa po kayo sa superhero!

Also, I want to thank you Maritess for writing, dahil sa totoo lang, ako po’y fans mo rin. You are like Sarah Geronimo, a superstar! You are very famous here in the Philippines because you embody the plight of our overseas contract workers who suffer through the hardship of living in a foreign culture abroad so that they can send money back to their families and build a better future for them. My hat off to you!

Now with regard to your problem, I must tell you that employer abuse is very very serious, and in your case it is already tantamount to a human rights violation. You must never allow Superman to touch you like that without your consent. And no matter what Batman says, you must never kick Superman there either! But maybe, in your case, it was self-defense, so that might hold up in court.

I wish I could help you Maritess but my jurisdiction and superpower as a lawyer is only up until the Philippines. What I can tell you though is to go to the Philippine Embassy nearest you. You have a right as a Filipino citizen to claim asylum and refuge with our government and in turn, our government is bound to protect you from the Superfriends. I heard that the Superfriends have an international jurisdiction (as well as some extra-planetary peacekeeping rights, according to a treaty made with the Green Lantern Corps and the New Gods on Orion, called the Oa Protocol), but still, even they cannot just invade the territorial jurisdiction of the Philippine Embassy without violating international law and risking the ire of the Philippine government. Our country might declare war on the Justice League.

Also, you can ask for help from the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA), which also offers:

Workers Assistance and On-site Services

1. Repatriation Program –

The OWWA provides and sustains assistance to all its members in all its regional and overseas offices. Services that members may avail on-site includes: locating missing OFW’s; providing information and guidance; developing materials for the Pre-Departure Orientation Seminars; conducting psycho-social counseling and conciliation services; medical and legal assistance, outreach missions, and training, among others.

On behalf of the OFW, the OWWA may provide appropriate representation with employers, agents and host authorities.

Hence, if you need to be repatriated, or sent back to the Philippines in case of abuse, just report the matter to the Philippine Embassy which in turn will contact the OWWA, and have you sent back to the Philippines, free of charge. Considering your superstar status among Filipinos, they might even send you home on a first-class trip on Philippine Airlines which will serve you all the fish, hipon and ginamos that your domestic heart could ever desire.

However, I understand that if you turn to our Philippine Embassy, you will also lose your high-paying job with the Superfriends. Perhaps, if you could make peace with Superman and Aquaman, they will send you off instead to work with the Philippine branch of the Superfriends, where you can work with our kababayan superheroes, like Darna, Captain Barbel, Mulawin, the Supertwins, Ang Panday, and former BIR Commissioner Buñag, who has now adopted the public identity of Taxman, kilabot ng magbubuhis.

In fact, there’s even a local branch of the Hall of Justice here in Mandaue City, Cebu, but it doesn’t look as impressive as the Hall of Justice where Superman, Wonder-woman and the Flash are based. Maybe they are planning to move to the Cebu International Conference Center (CICC) in the future?

My problem will be if you are not based in the Hall of Justice, but if you’re stationed in the Justice League’s orbiting space station, because I don’t think there’s a Philippine Embassy on the moon. We will have a problem repatriating you because none of our local superheroes are capable of space travel… their limit is only up until the atmosphere. Perhaps, we will have to tap the magical teleporting powers of our Engkantadas. I am friends with Enteng Kabisote and the Prinsipe ng Kahilingan. I defended Prinsipe K in a labor dispute against Ina Magenta, and we were able to acquire backwages as well as 13th month pay and service incentive leave, since Prinsipe K’s labor benefits haven’t been paid since 1963. So you can imagine how much backwages he is entitled to, pursuant to the ruling of Agabon vs. NLRC (G.R. No. 158693, November 17, 2004).

I hope you are safe and protected from the Superfriends, Maritess, and I pray that this blog entry does not reach you after you have been sent to the Phantom Zone. Trust me, that is NOT a vacation. You don’t want to go there. It is much worse than jail.

More power to you Maritess, and hold your head up high, my fellow Filipino. Ikaw ang bagong super bayani ng Pilipinas!


the Magnificent Atty. Perez

P.S.  I would like to cite the blog of someone passionate about OFW empowerment.  Please do read it.


1. Uncle Tito Danny - July 7, 2007


As you confided to my niece Ging-ging about these legal entanglements and your desire to know the Law, come home to the Philippines, study Law and become a Lawyer, so you will be able to defend yourself in court. Well, unless the Atty Magnificent offers his services pro bono.


Uncle Tito Danny

2. northwolf - July 7, 2007

Dear Uncle Tito Danny,

Okay lang kung pro bono, basta ayaw lang nang puro abuno. Tenk yu! 🙂

3. swerver - July 7, 2007

Maritess whatever happens, we will be hur por yo. luv yo!

4. fathertime - July 9, 2007

kulbaa jed aning northwolf oi.. sus, kung nababaye pa ko kada bisita siguro nako aning imong blag mabugto jud ang garter sa akong panties og malanay jud ang akong pantyliner…. tsktsktsk

my brief is off to you northwolf hehehehe

5. badoodles - July 9, 2007

wow attorni, pati pala si marites sau na din kumukunsulta. pang international law ang probz ni manang marites. natawa naman ako sa blog na itu. hahaha!

6. northwolf - July 9, 2007

Fathertime and badoodles… thank you very much and please try the FISH! 🙂

(BTW, fathertime, I only accept briefs that are from Bench. It’s in my contract with them as their new image model. Hahahaha)

7. fathertime - July 10, 2007

hahahaha, i got some worn out briefs of course it’s from my sponsor – Bench.. hahahahaha… now i’m trying to cross the bridge off to Hanes.. hayahay man kuno, nindot daw ang panapton hehehehe…

8. northwolf - July 10, 2007

Sosyal ka ha 🙂 The new image model of Hanes… ikaw maoy nipuli ni Michael Jordan?

9. fathertime - July 10, 2007

syemper, actually ang nidaog sa bidding ang Hanes man jud, gitagaan lang sa nako og chance ang Bench.. hehehe

10. northwolf - July 10, 2007

Hahahaha, mao diay gi award na lang sa ako ang endorsement contract sa Bench kay imo man gibalibaran 😉

11. fathertime - July 10, 2007

jordan is always an icon, said Hanes CEO.. and i’m now their new emoticon hahahahaha

12. fathertime - July 10, 2007

wala man nako balibari.. in fact, i signed a 4-year contract with them.. pero mag-expire na ang contract nako and there’s this “Hanes” keeps bangin my butt to get a pen for them. mga pipila nalang kagutlo, mo-expire na akong contract sa Bench, 23 secs, 22 secs, 21 secs, hapit na jud.. hehehe

13. northwolf - July 10, 2007

Go for it bai! Give me the Bench contract. I need the money 😀

(buanga ato imong emoticon comment oy… ni buhakhak man kog katawa diri sa opisina… gi tutukan nuon ko sa mga tao… sakpan, wa ga trabaho!)

14. fathertime - July 10, 2007

hahahaha, pareho ra diay ta bai.. naa man koy trabahoon pero wala man ko sa mood (may pa mood2x pa! sapernz) hehehehe..

pero if mahuna-hunaan gani nako bai ang gitext sa akong manghod gabii, nah bisag naa ko sa jip mokalit lang ko’g tingsi.. at first abi nako’g tinuod, gikulbaan ko pero…. basaha nalang ni..

“grabeha ganina k’ya oi 3 ka jip nagbangga. perteng daghanang patay. nalooy jud ko sa usa nga nikamang padung sa driver og miingon

‘noy, sukli sa baynte istudyante'”

15. northwolf - July 10, 2007

Gi atot oi… I gotta post that on Multiply 😀

16. fathertime - July 10, 2007

hehehehe, unsa imo email, naa koy ipabasa nimo about sa pinaka-bael, pinaka-sutil nga bata sa tibuok kalibutan.. hehehe

17. northwolf - July 10, 2007

stormcloud underscore zero zero zero at yahoo dot com

18. fathertime - July 10, 2007

padung na siguro to sa imong email add bai.. 🙂

19. northwolf - July 10, 2007

Spank you very much 😀

20. fathertime - July 12, 2007

attorney, walay nay bag-ong sulat attorney oi?
da oi, da oi..

pde mangutana attorney? maningles man gud mao maglisod ko sa pagtubag.. og sa pagsabot sad! 😦

salmo responsoryo wala koy tubag, ang pangutana mao kini:

if a turtle has no shell, is it homeless or naked?

21. northwolf - July 12, 2007

Hehe… busy kaayo si Attorney, gi-asikaso pa nako ang kaso ni Maritess.

I don’t know how to answer your turtle question. The last time I saw a turtle with no shell, ga lutaw man to siya sa sabaw ngadto sa Sutukil. Sa iyang ka ulaw, ako na lang gi hurot og kaon.

BTW, I’m currently writing another entry pero I’m gonna go back to doing serious posts for awhile because there are some important legal and economic issues that I want to take up.

22. bisdakinnaconcretejungle - July 12, 2007

nag-wangsa man ko nagbasa sa mga conversations ninyo diri oi..

atty, link tka ha.. mag-storbot sad ko didto sa ako.. hehehe

23. northwolf - July 12, 2007

chege bosing bisdak! tenk yu beri hard.

24. bisdakinnaconcretejungle - July 12, 2007

bai, naa sad ko pangutana..

“if a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?”

25. northwolf - July 12, 2007

But wait, how can a man with no arms hold the gun….?


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