Chiz Escudero: the Man Who Would Be King

I cringe as I write this article, knowing that I will be open to attack from rabid Chiz Escudero fans nationwide (of which, there are legion), including my very own bizpren Raymond, who knows Senator Chiz personally. Please do not throw rotten tomatoes, eggs and Pichay fans when you see me. In defense of myself, I invoke the fundamental human right to have one’s own opinion. Or, again, to quote Maritess, famed domestic helper of the Superfriends, “Suri Aquaman! Suuurrriii! I was jaz cooking feesh!”

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As much as I don’t like it, it’s inevitable. Chiz Escudero was validly elected by our people to become Senator of the Republic of the Philippines. Even my sublime Magnificence recognizes his inevitable Honorableness, acknowledging that Mr. Escudero’s path to Presidency is paved with starstruck screaming fans and easily impressionable minds. Just as I am the rock star of the legal universe, Chiz is fated to be the Elvis Presley of the political arena. As much as I loathe to share the spotlight, even John Lennon must recognize that in America, Elvis Presley is the King.

I can already foresee the steps leading to his enthronement. A conveniently placed impeachment will be launched either on the third quarter of this year or the fourth quarter of the next, and of course, Chiz and the Young Turks will be performing center-stage, with Tony “the Rebel” Trillanes on drums, Ping “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Pogi” Lacson on bass, Frank “I’m Too Sexy for My Shirt” Drilon on lead guitar, and of course, Chiz “Sinong Tatay Mo?” Escudero on vocals.

Then on 2009, things might abate, depending on the outcome of the impeachment. If the complaint gets shot on sight by the Lower House, led by a yet unnamed Speaker of the House (which depends on who is the more Honorable among Pablo “Master Yoda” Garcia, or Jose “Look, I am your Father!” de Venecia), then the Turks would have to drum up excitement by holding numerous rock concerts/protest rallies all along Mendiola and Makati. Or another coup attempt, perhaps? (Of course, they will say “Hindi nga ito coup attempt, protest against the corruption in the government lang.” To which, I shall reply: “Homaygas! I can’t bilib it! Ham nga!“)

Or miracles of miracles, maybe they WILL be able to impeach Queen Macapagal-Amidala, despite the brave and valiant efforts of her Juday Knight, Anakin Ermita. Now we will see a showdown between the forces of Senator/Emperor Palpakin (you know… the one who’s manipulating all this behind the scenes?), the Sith warriors and their androids, versus the might of the dwindling and divided Juday Knights and their clone soldiers.

*cue Darth Vader entrance theme song: PAM pam-papam-pam pa-pam-pam pa PAM!*

Conveniently place an attack on a nearby government installation, which we shall call the Death Star, by rogue X-Wing pilots, the Millenium Falcon, a flea-bitten Wookie, and an incoherent Gungan who failed his bid to become the next cute George Lucas mascot, and we have a dramatic, economically-unstable and massive loss of investor-confidence bonanza! Except where in Hollywood, blockbusters make a lot of money, in the wet and wonderful world of Philippines, blockbusters spell disaster for the country. But who cares? The masses are entertained! Huzzah for everyone!

But in these dark times, who will be our savior? Who will be young, idealistic and pogi enough to stand up to the call and be the nation’s hero in our hour of greatest need?

*Cue Ely Buendia and Bamboo on stage, humming acapella “Di na ko papayag, na mawala ka muli… Di na ko papayag na muling mabawi…”*

Enter a solemn procession led by Chiz Skywalker flocked by a throng of furry and oh so cute Ewoks, waving lightsabers and sampaguita garlands, moving towards EDSA and chirping “For we are the children of yesterday’s dream…”

(Please please PLEASE Lord, let them get Sarah Geronimo to sing for that rally. Also Lord, make her hair look like two large Cinnabon rolls around her head, dress her up in a two-piece copper bikini, tie a collar around her neck and connect her to Jabba the Hutt. In lieu of Jabba, You can connect it to Dennis Padilla)

Demmit, I hate being upstaged. I’m the rock star of the legal system, Chiz Escudero, not you! I hate you Chiz Escudero! I hate you hate you hate you!

*Pant, pant, wheeze. Drinks kiwi-flavored C2*

Must. Suppress. Overriding need. To. Embarrass Myself.

*whew!*

Okay, now that I have sufficiently entertained my readers, it’s time to switch to something more serious. This is my open letter to my compañero and fellow Filipino, the Honorable Francis “Chiz” Escudero:

Dear Atty. Escudero,

Two weeks ago you appeared before the combined populace of the Integrated Bar of the Philippines, for both the Cebu City and Cebu Province chapters. You were our keynote speaker, for a dinner where we inducted both our newly-elected IBP officers, and the new lawyers of the year 2007.

I have to hand it to you, Atty. Escudero, you’re one hell of a damn good speaker. You held the whole audience in sway and captivated them with your aura of nobility. You moved us with a plea to stand up against all wrongs, to not be complacent in the light of injustice, corruption and oppression. I have to hand it to you, Mr. Speaker, you are damn good. You made me want to stand up and incite my fellow lawyers to stand up and sing the National Anthem. I was inspired to go out and fight crime, to expose the wrongs of our public officials, and to take the stand and rally before Fuente Osmeña against the wrongs of society.

But more than this, Atty. Escudero, more than anything, you made me want to believe in you.

And there’s where our problem lies.

As my friend Raymond may have told you Atty. Escudero, I didn’t vote for you in our last elections. In fact, I’d have to say that I don’t even like you. So far, you’ve proven to be nothing but all grandstanding and talk. I’ve checked your records and to the best of my knowledge, you have not authored a single bill, nor have you enacted a single law. All I’ve seen you do is make a raucous before session hall. That, Atty. Escudero, makes you great as a self-appointed devil’s advocate and “people’s watchdog”. But as a lawmaker elected into the House of Represenatives by the popular mandate of the people of your district, you are an utter and dismal failure. I’ve even heard rumors that during the time when a super-typhoon hit your province, you were not even around to help out.

Which is why, now that you are a Senator, I’m worried about you.

We cannot deny the fact that you are on your way to the top. In fact, I would not be surprised to see your name as a Vice-presidential candidate in 2010, or possibly even for President, if you prove yourself to be popular.

How can anyone NOT support you? You are young, passionate and idealistic. You were educated with a Masters Degree in a prestigious Ivy League law school. You have a way with words that hypnotizes the mind, as you paint a pretty picture of evil administrations and white knights come down to topple them. You are the man who would be King, compañero. Nobody can stop that, you are an unbeatable force.

And that worries me.

You see compañero, not all of us are satisfied with mere promises of redemption. Some of us try to look at the bigger picture. Some of us look at track records and previous performance. And in that area, Atty. Escudero, some of us find you very much lacking.

We know that you are against the Arroyo administration, compañero, and for that we laud you, because it’s people like you who keep the President from abusing her power and stepping out of line. But when the powers that be are toppled, and those that stood up against the Man become the new kings, where will that leave you, Atty. Escudero? When there are no more windmills to crusade against, would Don Quixote still be a brave dragon-slaying knight?

The point I’m trying to make Atty. Escudero is that without your crusade against GMA, you are nothing but an empty tin can, the kind that makes a lot of noise. Without her glare to set contrast against, you do not actually carry your own light. You are a mere moon that reflects a much harsher sun. Without that sun, you are nothing but the Earth’s satellite, an empty peace of rock devoid of atmosphere — a sterile smote of dust that cannot even support a form of life at the micro-bacterial level.

It’s undeniable that you will someday be President, compañero and when that happens, I’m worried because you haven’t done anything to show that you would make a good leader. What economic policies do you advocate? Have you fought through blood, sweat and tears to protect human rights? Have you planted a tree in the name of ecology? Have you sent a child through public school, bought books for her library or erected classrooms for her to study in? Have you spoke out against the evils and excesses of people other than GMA and her cronies? Have you not looked within your own party and blanched at the corruption and potential for greater abuse of power festering within the ranks of the “Genuine” Opposition?

Tell me compañero, have you read the book “Animal Farm” by George Orwell? It’s a book written against the rise of communism, but nevertheless it has a universal morale that applies to those who would topple the powers that are in order to become the powers that be. The morale is that sometimes, to our horror, we discover that we overthrew bad leaders only to replace them with worse.

Are you going to be one such leader of tomorrow Atty. Escudero? Perhaps one day, we will discover that there is not much difference between you and the people you protest against, because right now, there is no indication at all… no track record or previous stand you’ve made that would assure us that you will be otherwise.

Perhaps, compañero, you will discover to your chagrin that you have become the windmill and that someday, there will be other white knights who will set their charge to overthrow you.

Yes Atty. Escudero. You ARE young, passionate and idealistic. You do paint a quite fetching picture as a leader of tomorrow. In fact, you remind me so much of a U.S. President, Warren Harding, a man who rose to prominence in the 1920’s. A man who looked so Presidentiable that it was inevitable that he would become the next Chief Executive, which he did. But that was it, compañero, that was Harding’s only claim to presidency, the fact that he looked and sounded like he SHOULD be a President. But as a leader and role model, Harding was a failure. He was better known for playing poker and golf, and for his sexual appetites, but NOT for his track record as U.S. President or as a statesman.

Are you another Warren Harding, Atty. Escudero?

Yes, compañero, I do remember that night you gave us your keynote speech. I applauded right after it, and I applauded with genuine feeling. You made me want to believe in you. Your words were sincere, heartfelt and emphatic. You made me want to trust you when you implored, “I have been duly elected by popular vote of the people and regardless of whether or not you like me, I am here nonetheless. Please give me a chance.”

I want to give you a chance Atty., because I know that your way to the top has been written in the stars. You WILL be King.

And heaven help you and the Philippines if you don’t live up to the heavy burden that’s waiting for you there. That same burden that you would wrest away from the windmills implanted against impeachment.

Please do prove true to the people’s mandate compañero. Do not be just talk and hot air, do not just grandstand or make a scene. DO SOMETHING. Show us where you stand in economic policy and political reform. Do not define yourself by the size of the dragons you slay. Show us what your real worth is other than a rabble rouser and the boy who cries wolf. Show us that indeed, you are a man worthy of becoming king.

And it is with that, Atty. Escudero, that I foist my hope and good intentions on you, along with the dreams and faith of the people who voted you to become a Senator of the Republic of the Philippines. Do us well and make us proud.

Mabuhay ka Senator Escudero, at sana po, ipagpakita mo na tunay kang may lamang loob, na kayo po’y di lamang hanggang salita at na may tunay kang pagmamahal at pagtangkilik sa inang bayang Pilipinas.

Congratulations compañero and God bless. We will all be watching and praying.

Sincerely,

The Magnificent Atty. Perez