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Magnificent in Dipolog, Zamboanga del Norte July 29, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy.
10 comments

“I’ve been standing here
waiting for the bus on a Saturday
laundry on my back, ultraviolet rays
like I’m posing for a shot in a magazine
what the hell does it mean?”

Dipolog behind a habal-habal
The lyrics of Eraserhead’s “Waiting for a Bus” always comes back to me everytime I arrive in Dapitan, Zamboanga del Norte, as I haggle with a motorcycle driver to take me to my regular hotel in Dipolog City. The ride sets me back around P130 to P150. That’s a short 10 minute motorcycle ride with me holding on to some random stranger with, strangely enough, Ely Buendia’s voice squealing in the back of my head. Yep, it’s habal-habal for me all the way from Dapitan Wharf to Dipolog City. My other option is actually to take the really slow bus going there but I would much rather take the dangerous and more expensive route going to Dipolog, and really, who wants to live forever?

This coming from a man whose motto in life is to “Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse.” The other variant is to “Live fast, die young, leave a trail of broken hearts.” And the other still less popular variant is “Live fast, die young, leave dirty underwear”

(And to think my motto in life used to be “Study hard, beautiful wife ahead.” Blah to that.)

I’m going to be doing a lot of travelling in the next few weeks. Tomorrow, I take the Fastcraft passing by Tagbilaran and Dumaguete until I reach the port of Dapitan, in the newly-created province of Zamboanga del Norte where the aforesaid motorcycle ride will take me all the way to Dipolog City to my hotel.

The week after, I will fly off to bonny Manila where I will scour the streets looking for Tondo’s Civil Registrar in order to correct some hapless civil servant’s incompetence when he/she mispelled the name of a client’s daughter in her Certificate of Live Birth. (I mean really, why do we need these things? To prove that we were successfully born? Like duh. I can just imagine some poor schmuck showing up at school and being refused enrollment all for the reason that, “Oh I’m sorry sir, you don’t have a birth certificate. How do we know that you were really born? For all I know, you could be just a hologram from the future transmitted through satellite rays by the Transformers.”)

Then the week after that, I will hie off to nearby Bohol where I will both (a) pay my client’s real estate taxes and (b) get some Bohol beach lovin’. Hooray for me!

But tomorrow, it’s to Dipolog that I go.

This will probably be my 5th or 6th trip to Dipolog City, courtesy of an ongoing case involving the contract of carriage between a family that missed passage on a certain boat trip, against the company that owns the boat, i.e., my client. I have very mixed feelings towards this trip. In the first place, the boat trip going to Dapitan can be a pain in the posterior, literally. We’re talking about a 6-hour boat ride from Cebu to Dapitan, with agonizingly slow stopovers in Tagbilaran and Dumaguete. My boat trip misfortunes include (a) sitting with a man who had the worst case of B.O. in the country and (b) choppy waters from Dumaguete to Dapitan. (Emptied my stomach, I did. At one point after a good strong puking, I had to ask myself, “Wait a minute! I don’t remember eating THAT!!”)

Compound that with the crappy in-house movies. Sometimes I get lucky and they show Jackie Chan films that I have never seen. And then sometimes, I get that really sordid B-movie about people getting locked out of a boat in the middle of the ocean and slowly drowning to their miserable deaths while swimming around a yacht that they don’t know how to get back on. Ah yes, it takes a sick genius to show that kind of movie while you’re riding a boat in choppy waters seated to a man with a bad case of stinkyarmpititis. Brilliant. Needless to say, the only thing entertaing in that 6-hour boat ride is counting how many old white farts are travelling with their mail-order Filipina brides and spending their hard earned dollars in the woman’s hometown province. Thank God for desperate old white men. Without them, we would be relying solely on Koreans for foreign currency.

Dipolog is beginning to be a nice place though. I used to hate it because the hotel I was staying at has crappy amenities and even crappier service, but ever since that same hotel opened up a second branch, I’ve been enjoying my trips there. I enjoy the solitude of being a stranger in a strange land. I enjoy walking about and enjoying the semi-rural ambiance of Dipolog City, reminding me of my hometown in Bantayan Island, and the old department stores in downtown Cebu.

In my last trip, I amused myself by looking for unusual purchases and came up with (1) A cheap-ass notebook that has some teen celebrity that I don’t recognize, looking so gosh-darn cute in an ambiguous sexual orientation kind of way; (2) a chinese tetra-pak milk thing that tasted quite yummy. I just don’t recognize the writings on the box, so I hope it doesn’t contain formalin…. or cat meat!; (3) the ugliest pair of shorts ever made on God’s earth, all for the price of P40!!! I swear, the store should have paid ME to get it out of their hands, it was THAT ugly! It was colored green with bright orange tiger stripes that wrapped around your butt and turned into flourescent pink flames towards the rear end. I felt so selfish for buying that pair of shorts, because it was made of so much synthetic fiber that I swear, if you melt it down to its component material, we would solve the Earth’s energy crisis for the next 30 years. And just as I was about to wear it at our hotel’s pool, I noticed the tag attached to the crotch portion of the shorts: “Government Warning: Wearing this pair of shorts has been known to cause random bouts of incurable blindness in the vicinity. Wearer is advised to proceed with caution and with due regard for the sanity of his fellow Filipinos.” I looked out the pool and all I saw nearby were Koreans and dirty old white men, so I went ahead swimming. I’m sorry, Philippine tourism economy! The Dipolog police is still investigating what happened that fateful April night.

One thing you can be sure of though, Dipolog City is on its way up, as within its very own ranks I discovered two indicators of progress. One is the numerous Kimberly-Clarke table napkin/toothpick dispensers on top of the table, looking so spiffy in in their Kimberly-Clarke goodness. The other is the fact of not one, but TWO!!! Yes, folks, you heard me right… Dipolog City has TWO Sunburst Fried Chicken restaurants, and both of them are found at the hotel where I reside. As every bona fide native of the Visayas and Mindanao knows, Sunburst Fried Chicken is the mark of progress. When one town has its very own Sunburst Fried Chicken, prosperity in the local economy could not be far behind. (Cebu City should know… it has, as of last count, not one, not two, but FIVE! FIVE Sunburst Fried Chicken branches, serving crispy fried chicken goodness to the entrepreneurial populace!)

But the truth of the matter is, I’m getting a bit sick of Sunburst Fried Chicken in Dipolog because it’s the only place I eat in when I’m there. I’d like to try out their other restaurants but all I see nearby are carinderias and the ocassional Jollibee and Greenwich Pizza, which I detest even more than Sunburst Fried Chicken. Since I only know 2 people in Dipolog, namely Popoy Mah and Paul Legorio, who are, unfortunately, both living in Cebu, I guess I’m limited to eating at Sunburst until I can find a better place to dine.  And although I really do eat in carinderias, I only do so when I am in Cebu, where my dad, who is a doctor, is easily accessible in case I get stomach cramps or worse.  Would rather not risk getting hospitalized in a strange town where I don’t know anyone, wouldn’t you think?

Well, this blog is getting quite long so let me close it by saying that Dipolog will always be noteworthy to me for its glut of motorcycles and tricycles. P6 for trips within the city, and a haggle-stress price of P130 to P150 for trips to Dapitan Wharf. But the habal-habal charm has grown on me. Where else can I truly feel like a travelling cowboy lawyer than when having the wind blast through my face, whipping my hair and barong about as I ride behind the back of a speeding motorcycle driver through the empty streets of Dapitan with nothing but beautiful rural foliage and smiling children waving past by as I return back home to Cebu….


“I’m a travelling man, straight from the can
I’m a thousand miles away from my number one fan
my folks are getting tight
won’t let me out at night
you can’t avoid the complications when there’s no reason at all…

When lightning strikes we cry!
I’ll drink my beer, I’ll wash my tears,
southbound in the SKY!!!…”

Working with the Number Crunchers July 26, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy.
7 comments

Aside from being a lawyer, I am also a certified public accountant (short for “CPA”, which my dad says also means “cada pista adto”). However, I really consider myself more of a lawyer than a CPA since I never really practiced my accounting profession extensively. My bean counter experience has been limited to: (1) working at a bank, which was never really accounting-related to begin with. I was more of a clerk than an accountant, and I tell you, it’s just no fun to count money that doesn’t belong to you; (2) teaching Accounting at my alma mater, and to quote my bispren Ken “Those who can’t, teach”; (3) being the Head of Administration and Accounting for a printing company (where I had other people under me who performed the work. I just sat there and oversaw everyone. So, as you can see, I was hardly working, errrr, I mean, working hard.); and (4) during the peak audit season after my graduation from Accounting, I was hired as temporary staff for Punongbayan and Araullo accounting firm, where I helped out with inventory counts. (I knew all those years of watching Sesame Street would pay off someday. I think I must have irritated the foreman in one of the warehouses I visited when I started counting like Count von Count, “One!!! One sack of fertilizer! Ah-ah-ah-ah*matching thunder, lightning and bats flying all around*Two!!! Two sacks of fertilizer!! Ah-ah-ah-ah“… )

 

In essence, I never really practiced the meat and potatoes work of a CPA, which is both bookkeeping and auditing. I was too busy working in a bank and studying law to ever gain any worthy experience in the profession. In fact, when I became a lawyer, I thought that was it… I was saying goodbye to my CPA practice.

As I’ve mentioned before, there are essentially two broad categories in my law practice: Litigation and Corporate. Litigation deals with appearing before courts in adversarial cases, which includes civil, criminal, commercial and labor disputes. Corporate, in a nutshell, is anything that does not involve litigation, such as forming corporations, reviewing contracts, applying for environmental compliance certificates, and brewing coffee for very important corporate clients.

It helps that I make a mean brew with nothing but Nescafe instant coffee, brown sugar, Coffeemate and my boyish lawyer charms. You would not believe the number of deals I’ve closed with nothing but my coffee stirring skills. It’s a secret technique, like the kung fu taught to me by Wudan monks from Schezuan province of China, called The Five Moon Purple Death by Coffeemate Technique, so called because after five full moons have elapsed since tasting my coffee, your face will turn as purple as sinamay ube from Bohol and then become uglier and uglier and uglier until you finally die looking like Babalu after he’s had a bad case of constipation and hemorrhoids. The only way to ward off death is to hire me as a legal retainer and insist on coming to my office for meetings and drinking my coffee.

My corporate practice is quite active since my firm deals with a lot of companies, and a lot of what I do involves forming corporations, getting special licenses for them, reviewing and drafting contracts and agreements, etc. In particular, I’m very much involved when it comes to organization formation and planning.

This particular job necessarily involves tax planning and knowing how to prepare journal entries on a company’s accounting books. Realizing my shortcomings on the matter, I’ve enlisted the help of two very good practicing CPA’s: Cyril Alto Ty (who was my classmate from high school and the person whom I copied my math answers from), and Noe Jude Penas (Cyril’s good friend and one of the best corporate planners that I’ve ever worked with).

With this in mind, I’ve realized how indispensable and valuable having actual practical accounting experience is for us corporate lawyers. There’s a certain sort of corporate streetsmart that a practicing CPA has which a lawyer will never ever know about, unless the latter is also a practicing CPA. Things like whether being VAT or non-VAT licensed is more advantageous to use and easier to support, to whether or not a fiscal year or a calendar year is more advantageous for the company for reportorial requirements, and to checking up whether or not open cases have been flagged for non-compliance with tax rules.

It’s kind of like how only a lawyer engaged in active litigation is the best person to draft and review a contract or an agreement, especially if it’s something like a joint venture because the litigating lawyer knows which provisions are red flags for potential case disputes; the correct phraseology of a certain provision that would avoid legal hassles later on in court; or the proper safeguard to implement that would expedite matters and avoid unnecessary litigation.

So, in summary, it is important for practicing corporate lawyers to work hand in hand with practicing CPA’s, especially when it comes to organization formation, tax planning and other similar projects, most especially if the corporate lawyer has no accounting background and will have no clue as to how his project will affect the books of the corporation.

I’m just glad I found the right CPA consultants for the job, people I trust and mesh easily with when it comes to personality, temperament, and disposition. Guys who have mystic, manly CPA looks that complement my  boyish kung fu lawyer charms. At least, when all else fails, we can always have a career as a boyband. Or, as matinee idols.

Yeah…. “Guwapings: the Reunion“. That sounds about right. We form corporations and save you from the evils of tax penalties, while making your adolescent daughters squeal in girlish delight. Showing now in a boardroom near you.

Thriller at the Jail! July 26, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, cebuano, Idiocy, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.
7 comments

Here’s a very entertaining video of Cebuano inmates from the Cebu Provincial jail giving Michael Jackson some thrilling justice. The very source of the video is the provincial consultant of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC), Mr. Byron Garcia (who is also the son of former Cebu governor and now contestant for the Speakership position of the Lower House, Hon. Pablo Garcia).

Mr. Garcia also wrote an interesting article on the provincial penal system, which I am reposting below:

—————–

Speak out: The CPDRC experience
By Byron F. Garcia
Consultant on Security, Cebu Provincial Government

Penology in the country has always been equated with crime and punishment. Or crime plus punishment equals rehabilitation and reformation. But it can also mean crime plus punishment plus rehabilitation equals prison management.

Gray areas and loopholes abound in jail management, as there are many ways to circumvent rehabilitation. At the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC), the approach to rehabilitation is discipline, physical fitness, dismantling of the culture of corruption and preemptive decongestion.

It is a concept that views behavioral change and culture in the microcosm of a sick society, which is, the jail.

It is actually inside jails or rehabilitation centers that societal decadence is magnified. Drug trafficking and smuggling, addiction, politics and corruption prevail and proliferate because the jail environment provides fertile grounds for these to spread and transmit rapidly.

No matter how restrictive regulations may be, inmates and even jail guards can find loopholes in an already flawed system, making corruption a never-ending cycle.

Security, too, looks beyond the physical aspect. While padlocks and sophisticated gadgetry may physically shut off and isolate inmates from the world, it does not assure security.

Cultural, behavioral

Security must be approached not only physically but also from the cultural and behavioral context.

Inmates at the CPDRC are required to go through a workout regimen. While the goal is to keep the body fit in order to keep the mind fit, such may not actually happen if it is not done in a manner deemed pleasurable. Music, being the language of the soul, is added to that regimen.

Decadent cultures in jails are only spillovers of the culture outside. In approaching behavioral and cultural change, one has to look at the decadence of society to change the culture in the jail.

To do away with inmate and jail guard politics, rehabilitation must employ divide and rule. This is meant to discourage organization among inmates, where inherently gang culture exists.

Here lies the blunder. Penology or jail management in this country has never looked at gang culture in jails as one that actually propagates corruption and decadent culture. In most cases, jail authorities support and tolerate gang culture without considering that it actually impedes rehabilitation.

Gangs breed corruption and corruption breeds enmity and animosity between inmates or between inmates and guards.

Four components

To prevent familiarity between inmates and guards, security is done in four component forces: the Capitol Civil Security Forces, which conducts surprise greyhound operations and is tasked to inspect visitors during visiting days; the jail guards, who have direct contact with the inmates; the Provincial Security Group, which escorts inmates to and from court hearings; and the blue guards that check on the three security components at the entrance of the facility.

While the old practice of using jail guards won’t vanish, a four-tiered check-and-balance approach is used to plug the gaps for corruption.

To do away with corruption in jail finances, budgets are allocated and released directly from the Capitol treasury. Fund management, especially on food, is taken away from jail authorities.

Inmates, too, are not allowed to hold cash. Money is considered illegal. A system is provided where inmates can entrust their cash to jail authorities and have these converted to purchase orders. This is to ensure that money won’t be used for the purchase of contraband and to discourage gambling.

Jail capacity

While Jail authorities in this country continue to find ways to solve jail congestion or over-crowding, CPDRC has taken the very simple approach, which is by shutting its doors once it reaches full capacity.

What seems to be contemptuous and arrogant would prove to be admirable and humbling in the end, for it gives utmost consideration to the general welfare and security of the occupants inside the jail. Jails in our country are congested because penology chose it to be.

True rehabilitation may need revolutionary change in policies and approaches. At the CPDRC, the experience in responsive rehabilitation has proven that revolutionary change can be done from within.

Legislative Wish List July 23, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, Armchair Politics, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.
1 comment so far

I hereby append my concurring opinion to Atty. Jaime Soriano’s manifesto:

Legislative wish list


Tomorrow, the Fourteenth Congress of the Philippines begins its regular session with the State of the Nation address of the President.

Thereafter, both the Senate and the House of Representatives are expected to pass legislations that would address the pressing needs of the country or perhaps improve the lives of the Filipino people.

Hopefully in the next three years of the Fourteenth Congress, it enacts legislative measures along these lines:

1. A enabling law that would finally define, prohibit and dismantle political dynasties in the country’s political environment as mandated by the Constitution.

2. A law that would strengthen political parties by prohibiting and punishing political turncoats, granting state subsidy and funding of major political blocks, and assuring transparency in electoral campaign spending and contribution.

3. A law that would at least lessen, if not eliminate, red tape in government particularly in the delivery of frontline public services whereby the general public availing of the services of government is treated as kings and queens by the bureaucracy.

4. A law that would define the appropriate land use classification of every piece of the country’s territory taking into account local and regional profiles and settings and make land as a real engine for economic growth.

5. A law that would impose heavy taxation on idle lands to serve the ends of the economy, the environment and social justice. When land is unproductive, its economic and environmental functions are stifled. What is worse is when landowners derive undue profits from their idle possessions through sheer speculative activities.

6. A law that would grant the Commission on Human Rights and the Commission on Audit quasi-judicial powers or even the authority to prosecute all cases involving government officials and employees that violate laws within their ambit.

7. A law that would exempt from income taxation employees earning below the yearly poverty threshold as determined by the National Economic and Development Authority, and not merely based on existing minimum wage structures as proposed, and lift taxes or prohibit imposition of charges on small time deposits and investments.

8. A law that would ensure prosecution of tax cheats by prohibiting taxpayers from entering into a compromise with the Bureau of Internal Revenue or the Bureau of Customs after deliberately evading the payment of taxes or duties.

9. A law that would automatically give scholarship to any or all students who demonstrated excellent academic performance in any school of their choice within the Philippines, private or public.

10. A law that would support, finance, subsidize, or give incentives to Filipino inventors and their inventions.

Of course, this list can go on and on as if there is a shortage of laws in this country. But the truth is there are tens of thousand of law in the country’s statute books. Many of them are in fact good laws which have long been forgotten or rarely being implemented.

Keen political observers in fact would often say that this country does not need more laws. What it needs is the difficult task of better and more effective means of demanding obedience to existing laws.

Perhaps, one of the important­ things that this present Congress should also do is to take an inventory of all the laws of the Republic and start proceeding with the tedious task of codifying them for better implementation.

What Greek philosopher Arcesilaus observed as early as before the birth of Christ, when he said: “Where you find the laws most numerous, there you will find also the greatest injustice” should also provoke the thoughts of Filipino solons.

It is hoped that the people of this beautiful country still finds sense in the existence of Congress.

Deep Thoughts By Atty. Perez (vol. 2) July 22, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.
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I apologize… I’ve been so lazy. I have a lot of things to write about, but I can’t summon the motivation to do so. Let me make up for it by recycling an old post that I made in my old Friendster blog.

DEEP THOUGHTS BY ATTY. PEREZ VOL. 2 08/09/2006

Future criminals, take note: I have mapped out the perfect plan for you to get away scot-free from criminal liability. If you’re thinking of committing a crime, this is what you should first do:

1) Go to a very public and very crowded elevator. I recommend the one in Ayala-Cebu… the one near the fountain.

2) Wait for passengers to get in. It’s best if it’s very full. Try to make sure it’s filled with strangers, because strangers make very credible witnesses. If possible, make sure one of the passengers is either a grandmother, a judge, or a priest.

3) Pick the right moment. Usually, it’s one where the elevator is perfectly silent and people are occupied in their own thoughts.

4) When the right moment comes… meow. That’s right. Meow.

5) The passengers on the elevator, will, of course, stare at you. Keep quiet when they do and don’t look them in the eye. Look like you’re not aware of what’s going on. To achieve that look, pretend you’re really, really bored or really, really constipated… or both.

6) When they look away, meow again. You heard me. Again.

7) Repeat steps 5 and 6 as often as you think necessary, for full measure.

By this time, the passengers on the elevator will think you’re absolutely out of your mind insane. Which is good, because that’s exactly what you want to make them think.

8) Repeat this behaviour on at least five separate occasions, preferrably in the same elevator. You want to establish a reputation as the “Crazy Meowing Passenger of the Ayala Elevator” or any similar location.

That being done, you are now free to commit your crime. They can’t pin anything on you…. you’re already proven to be insane. Insanity is, after all, an absolutory circumstance. Your estate will be liable for civil obligations, of course, but at least you won’t go to jail.

Have fun.

Chinese Ngohiong July 13, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, Representation Expense.
6 comments
Category: Restaurants
Cuisine: Other

“O sweet treasures, discovered to my sorrow.
When I stand and contemplate my fate
and see the path along which you have led me,
I reach my end, for artless I surrendered to one
who is my undoing and my end”


This stanza written by the fictional Don Garcilaso de la Vega from the book “Of Love and Other Demons” by the immortal Gabriel Garcia Marquez, are the words that come to mind when reflecting upon the starchy happiness that is ngohiong.

Ah, ngohiong…. you with the camote starch -based wrapper, drenched in days old cooking oil. You that come with the mystery meat, and the camoteng-kahoy leaves, wrapped in carbohydrate goodness and dunked in the combined powers of brown sweet sauce and 5-spice sauce. You crunchy, salty dumpling… you with the earthy undertones of camote that swirl and crunch about in my mouth…

Thou who art a meal of only P3.00 per chunky ngohiong stick…. ah yes… sweet treasures of my youth, the sweet starchy memory of my Accountancy days shared among Chipmunk friends, and the unforgettable meal with cousin Carlo Arquillano and friend Gavin Aninon… friend Gavin who lost his appetite when he realized that he was eating a chicken’s head and the eye’s liquids came spurting down his mouth.

What can I say? I love ngohiong, and crown prince of all the ngohiong kingdom would be Chinese Ngohiong near my alma mater, USC Main. For P20.00 you can already have a meal of three ngohiongs, two puso, and a bottle of Mountain Dew. I only go there for the ngohiong, but friends who tag along with me often order the skinless chorizo, and the fried chicken, which friend Gavin discovered to his behest.

Chinese Ngohiong used to be just a small stall, but judging from the popularity and patronage of USC students as well as other loyal fans, the Chinese Ngohiong stall quickly grew over the years until it could rightfully call itself a restaurant. Blessed with an earthy ambiance that could only be captured by soft rock hits piped out through the stereo, what better way can you enjoy your starchy goodness than with “Oooooo Love Hurts!!!” blasting in your eardrums courtesy of the band Nazareth? And nothing beats the entertainment one gets out of observing the clothes-washing habits of the nearby Chinese Ngohiong neighbors who save Mother Earth by taking a bath out of their laundry water at the same time.

No plastic is given out, by all means, you are encouraged to enjoy your meal without washing your hands (which I often do!), but for the picky and the hygiene-conscious, there are numerous faucets for you to indulge in your germ-free predilections. Just don’t mind the dust and smoke being belched out by the nearby road.

Much thanks to thecapricornbeartakeshi for the pictures and the Chinese Ngohiong memories. Chinese Ngohiong folks! Da Besht!

————

As requested by my good friend, Father Time.

This Blog Entry is brought to you by the Letter “B” July 12, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, cebuano, I, Lawyer, Seriously now….
7 comments

“B” as in Bery Bery Busy!

Even if I didn’t have any hearings this week, nevertheless, I’m surprised at how busy things have been. My corporate law practice came to fore as I was made to draft, review and revise on numerous contracts, agreements, memorandums and other corporate communiques. I also took this time out to focus on cases which I shall be filing or be made to work on in the coming days. God is glorified by the industry of our hands, so all praise to Him who has blessed you and I with a lot of interesting things to do.

It is for this reason that I apologize to my loyal readers who have been asking me for an update to this blog. Believe me, I have so many things planned in the next coming entries, it’s just that I lack the length of appreciable time it takes to draft an entry.

As much as I enjoy indulging in my absurd attacks on logic (which passes for what is questionably my bizarre sense of humor), I am planning however to go back to writing some serious articles. Fear not, I have another funny entry also in the works. I enjoy writing the funny entries but my original purpose for this blog was for it to contain discussions on law, economics and my take on politics.

In the works are a discussion on the national development of the Small to Medium Enterprise business organizations, as capped off by the opening of the SME Industrial Park in Naga, Cebu. Following that, I want to post my observations as a lawyer on the salient provisions of the highly controversial Human Securities Act of 2007.

Then after that, I will answer a letter written by Marife, the cousin of everybody’s beloved Maritess of the Superfriends.

“B” as in Blogging on a Newspaper of General Publication!

On other matters, one of my friends working for one of Cebu’s daily newspapers toyed around with the idea of me being a columnist in their lifestyle section. At first I was hesitant, because what I really want is to write the kind of articles I am writing in this blog, namely, articles connected to the practice of law. But I’m reconsidering the offer because there is something I would have fun writing about… vignettes, anecdotes and articles about living in Cebu. One of the things I want to write about are restaurant reviews ranging from class “A” to class “X” establishments.

(They’re called Class “X” establishments because “X” is the mathematical variable for the unknown, or, in other words, “What the hell am I eating???!!!)

But before I do that, I would like to first save up and buy myself a digital camera, something lightweight that I can carry around wherever I go. I’d like to take pictures to complement my articles. (How could anyone write about Cebu and NOT show pictures about the topic is something beyond my comprehension)

“B” as in Binugoy!

I’m someone blessed with a lot of good and pleasant friends and I make it a point to catch up periodically with the ones close to me and those who are worth having long discussions with. Will someone please give me a discount card or gift certificates for coffeeshops?? I’m practically keeping Bo’s Coffee, Brown Cup and Starbucks alive with my hard earned salary.

I just had a Thursday Group lunch earlier with Jan #1. We were originally planning to eat sizzling shawarma at a roadside snack bar but upon arriving at the place, we found out that it was closed. Apparently, they only open during nighttime. So, we just hot-footed it over to Binugoy’s, a nearby upscale carinderia (is there such an animal??), found in F. Cabahug St. It’s located at that junction between the road from Ayala leading to Paseo Mall, and that road from Mabolo leading to Lahug. Deceived by the carinderia ambiance, I started ordering a lot of viands… chicharon bulaklak, sabaw nga linat-ang baka, and baby shark stew (cooked in tuno and peppers)… thinking that the total bill would be at carinderia prices. I was surprised when the bill came to around P212.00. Ah well, considering that the food was actually quite good and the servings were huge, I guess the price was pretty fair, but had I known that my bill would reach that amount, I would not have ordered that much. The baby shark dish was pretty good though… I’m definitely coming back because I’m eyeing their spicy tuna bicol express.

Unfortunately, the bill wiped out all the cash in my wallet, and with nary an ATM machine in sight, that didn’t leave me with enough cash to check out Ethiopia Cafe 88, a really nice coffeeshop endorsed by thecapricornbeartakeshi. That will have to be the agenda for next Thursday’s meeting.

“B” as in Batch ’06 Basketball Team!

It’s IBP Cebu Basketball Tournament Season again! In behalf of my teammates in team Batch ’06, I would like to say GO GO GO BATCHOY!

Hopefully we won’t be defeated AGAIN by lawyers who are twice our age. Hehehe. It’s not fair… they lord it over in the courtroom. We should have some advantage in the basketball courts. I guess the referee’s are intimidated by players who can legally threaten them with direct contempt of court. Hahahaha!

Ang Bagong Superhero ng Bayan July 7, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.
25 comments

Dear Magnificent Atty. Perez,

Torney, I am thank you, your so kind. It is me, you know, Maritess, from de Superprinds. Torney, I am fans of your blag. You know, you mention me in your blags, and I am a happy. Your so kind Torney, and your fans of Sarah Geronimo. I am fans of Victor Wood but I am also fans of Sarah Geronimo. She’s like Megastar, you know, Sharon. Your so kind Torney, your so kind.

You help Ging-ging Torney. You help her with the aliens. And you help her for free, you know, Torney, your so kind. Like bald man in Sparta, you know Torney, your so kind.

Please Torney, you have to help me. Hindi ko na kaya Torney. I am slave of Superprinds, please watch video Torney, slave ako nila! I am tired Torney, all day long I am a tired. Si Aquaman Torney, he’s still angry with me, because I cook the fish Attorney. You know, that’s not right! Pilipino ako Torney. I am love the fish! So, you know, I give Aquaman the hipon and the ginamos, but he still angry Attorney! He’s not from Sparta, Attorney, he’s not kind! Pero I said na man I am suri Aquaman, I am so suri!! But Aquaman, you know, he is the angry with me. He told me to clean his kubeta Attorney, pero it’s so big! Our swimming pool is kasilyas Attorney and it’s so dirty and so baho, and yuck, it has little mermaid! Thats not right Torney! It’s not right!!!

And Superman Torney, he’s a bad. He’s a bad Torney! I told him, Wag po kuya Superman wag po! I am not a Lois Lane! But… but… OH ATTORNEY HE’S A BAD!!! He’s an alien Attorney! He is not a normal.. I thought he was a normal but he’s not attorney! Iba ang pagka lalake niya! Dalawa!! And he’s a bad Attorney, he is not a kind! So, I borrow from Batman Attorney, you know, the green bato… Batman told me to play with the green bato when Superman wants to play with me. But it’s a bad also Attorney. The bato looks so nice and glow in the dark, you know, but it make Superman sick!! So you know, I kick Superman in the kuwan, you know Attorney, over there. And Superman look even more sick! And Batman was laughing and laughing!

I told Superman, I’m suri Kuya!! I’m suri!!! I will call 911 and bring you to hospital!! Pero Batman say doctor cannot heal the Superman because you know Attorney, he is the alien. But I read your blag Attorney and told him we will call the Transformers because maybe you know, they are cousins of the Batmobile and the Invisible Jet, and you know they are the alien too.

You have to help me Attorney, they make me the slave! I cannot eat the fish! And Kuya Superman Attorney, he’s so bad! But now, he’s so sick! They told me I will go to jail Attorney, but maybe Superman forgive me Attorney because he said I will go to Phantom Zone instead. I don’t like jail Attorney, so I will go to the Phantom Zone. Is that vacation Attorney?

Please help me Attorney, you are the kind.

Love,

Maritess

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Dear Maritess,

First of all, I have to salute you, and all the overseas workers of the Philippines. Mabuhay ang mga bagong bayani ng Pilipinas, mas higit pa po kayo sa superhero!

Also, I want to thank you Maritess for writing, dahil sa totoo lang, ako po’y fans mo rin. You are like Sarah Geronimo, a superstar! You are very famous here in the Philippines because you embody the plight of our overseas contract workers who suffer through the hardship of living in a foreign culture abroad so that they can send money back to their families and build a better future for them. My hat off to you!

Now with regard to your problem, I must tell you that employer abuse is very very serious, and in your case it is already tantamount to a human rights violation. You must never allow Superman to touch you like that without your consent. And no matter what Batman says, you must never kick Superman there either! But maybe, in your case, it was self-defense, so that might hold up in court.

I wish I could help you Maritess but my jurisdiction and superpower as a lawyer is only up until the Philippines. What I can tell you though is to go to the Philippine Embassy nearest you. You have a right as a Filipino citizen to claim asylum and refuge with our government and in turn, our government is bound to protect you from the Superfriends. I heard that the Superfriends have an international jurisdiction (as well as some extra-planetary peacekeeping rights, according to a treaty made with the Green Lantern Corps and the New Gods on Orion, called the Oa Protocol), but still, even they cannot just invade the territorial jurisdiction of the Philippine Embassy without violating international law and risking the ire of the Philippine government. Our country might declare war on the Justice League.

Also, you can ask for help from the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration (OWWA), which also offers:

Workers Assistance and On-site Services

1. Repatriation Program –

The OWWA provides and sustains assistance to all its members in all its regional and overseas offices. Services that members may avail on-site includes: locating missing OFW’s; providing information and guidance; developing materials for the Pre-Departure Orientation Seminars; conducting psycho-social counseling and conciliation services; medical and legal assistance, outreach missions, and training, among others.

On behalf of the OFW, the OWWA may provide appropriate representation with employers, agents and host authorities.

Hence, if you need to be repatriated, or sent back to the Philippines in case of abuse, just report the matter to the Philippine Embassy which in turn will contact the OWWA, and have you sent back to the Philippines, free of charge. Considering your superstar status among Filipinos, they might even send you home on a first-class trip on Philippine Airlines which will serve you all the fish, hipon and ginamos that your domestic heart could ever desire.

However, I understand that if you turn to our Philippine Embassy, you will also lose your high-paying job with the Superfriends. Perhaps, if you could make peace with Superman and Aquaman, they will send you off instead to work with the Philippine branch of the Superfriends, where you can work with our kababayan superheroes, like Darna, Captain Barbel, Mulawin, the Supertwins, Ang Panday, and former BIR Commissioner Buñag, who has now adopted the public identity of Taxman, kilabot ng magbubuhis.

In fact, there’s even a local branch of the Hall of Justice here in Mandaue City, Cebu, but it doesn’t look as impressive as the Hall of Justice where Superman, Wonder-woman and the Flash are based. Maybe they are planning to move to the Cebu International Conference Center (CICC) in the future?

My problem will be if you are not based in the Hall of Justice, but if you’re stationed in the Justice League’s orbiting space station, because I don’t think there’s a Philippine Embassy on the moon. We will have a problem repatriating you because none of our local superheroes are capable of space travel… their limit is only up until the atmosphere. Perhaps, we will have to tap the magical teleporting powers of our Engkantadas. I am friends with Enteng Kabisote and the Prinsipe ng Kahilingan. I defended Prinsipe K in a labor dispute against Ina Magenta, and we were able to acquire backwages as well as 13th month pay and service incentive leave, since Prinsipe K’s labor benefits haven’t been paid since 1963. So you can imagine how much backwages he is entitled to, pursuant to the ruling of Agabon vs. NLRC (G.R. No. 158693, November 17, 2004).

I hope you are safe and protected from the Superfriends, Maritess, and I pray that this blog entry does not reach you after you have been sent to the Phantom Zone. Trust me, that is NOT a vacation. You don’t want to go there. It is much worse than jail.

More power to you Maritess, and hold your head up high, my fellow Filipino. Ikaw ang bagong super bayani ng Pilipinas!

Sincerely,

the Magnificent Atty. Perez

P.S.  I would like to cite the blog of someone passionate about OFW empowerment.  Please do read it.

How Will I Know If I Should Study Law July 5, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy, Legally Opinionated and Jurisprudent.
15 comments

Well, what do you know? My first “Dear Kuya Eddie” request from a devoted reader.

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Dear Magnificent Atty. Perez,

Mabuhay Attorney! Congratulations on your blog, I like to read it, you make the law so funny. And sad at the same time. But the law is always sad, so thank you for making it funny. Can I ask you help ‘torney? You are so wise, and powerful and magnificent… and humble! And you’re a fans of Sarah Geronimo! That’s why I know you’re a Magnificent! Never mind your idol Roy, ‘torney! Powerful man gihapon ka. Ma-reach mo rin ang imong dreams!

Ang akong problem, ‘torney, is that I have a problem. My Uncle Tito Danny said that before he leaves this Earth, he wants me to take up Law so that I will become a lawyer. Not liar like Jim Carrey but lawyer, like you, because you are not liar. I told my Uncle Tito Danny, “Uncle Tito Danny, why do you say that? Why do you want to leave this Earth? Are you going to ride a space ship with the aliens or something? Homan na ang July 4, Uncle Tito Danny. Tapos na ang July 4! Wala na’y Independence Day! Will Smith made talo the aliens and sent them back to Star Wars! Please don’t leave this Earth! You have to defend me from the Transformers!”

And Uncle Tito Danny said to me, “Buang man ka hija! Are you crazy? Don’t be scared of the Transformers! Naa pa man si Bruce Willis at hindi siya mamamatay na malambot because he is a die hard! Ka-upat na gi huramentado, dili pa gihapon mamatay! Blaggs!

Unya Uncle Tito Danny, why do you want to leave this Earth?”

Basta inday, listen to me. Of all my nieces, you are my peborit, because you have the logic! You have the brains! The beauty! You are a Thundercats! You should and must become a lawyer!”

And that’s my problem na Attorney. Kita na man kog Thundercats and I could not run as fast as Cheetara! Although I like Will Smith labi na sa Hitch, I’m so afraid Uncle Tito Danny will go to Star Wars with the aliens! He might go with the Decepticons and not stay with me like the Autobots! Eets so hard Attorney. Matigas ito. Gahi kaayo. What will I do? Should I follow my Uncle Tito Danny and take up Law? Or should I follow my heart and become a Bellestar Dancer ng That’s Entertainment? Napakasakit Kuya Eddie! What should I do? And please don’t charge me attorney’s fees, pobre man gud ko!

Your fans club,

Ging-ging

—————

Dear Ging-ging,

I understand your concerns and I thank you for confiding to me this very sacred problem. I don’t think I’m worthy to answer it because it’s only been a little more than one year before I became a lawyer and sometimes, I don’t also know myself if I made the right choice. The only thing I can tell you is that I am having a lot of fun and because of my practice, I have so many things to write about. For sure, being a lawyer is helping me launch a career as a minor Internet celebrity. Maybe someday, it will help me launch a career in showbiz. I’m a fan of Sarah Geronimo but the truth is I have an everlasting love for Carmina Villaorel. And now that she’s single again, I’m waiting for her to realize that we were meant to be together. (Carmina, I don’t care if your husband is gay. I don’t care if you have kids already. I’m still here, waiting for you. With Moo ice cream.)

But anyway about your problem. First of all, don’t worry about your uncle. He will not leave with the aliens of Independence Day because, like you said, Will Smith already defeated them. Besides, the aliens will not visit the Philippines because our Independence Day is already over.. we already celebrated it on June 12. General Esperon will defeat the aliens with our vintage World War 2 tora-tora airplanes, especially with the help of Bong Revilla and his guns that never run out of bullets, Philip Salvador and the Mulawin. (I would make a joke here about Philip Salvador but I’ve never actually seen any of his movies. I only know that he had an affair with Kris Aquino, and I guess that’s the joke).

Second, about law… hmmm… I don’t know… are you sure you want to study law?

I tell you, the road to lawyer-dom is not easy. It is paved with sleepless nights, mental anxiety, and emotional anguish. It’s easier if you study it at a sub-standard law school. In these kinds of schools, they just let you pass without any real effort. You will either have teachers who don’t show up, or teachers that when they show up, they will do nothing but talk about their showbiz lingo. Why listen to those teachers when you can read my blog? So please go to a good law school. There’s a law school cliche that all the teachers tell the first year students which goes, “Your preparation for the Bar started when you enrolled in the College of Law.”

It’s a cliche but one that has so much legal basis.

The best law schools are the ones where the teachers force you to study hard, by giving you daily oral exams. In Cebu, this is what we call the dreaded “pusil“, because the teacher forms his hand in the shape of a gun (like a Transformer, except your teacher’s hand does not actually turn into a gun), looks at you straight in the eye and says, “Janjan Perez! What is the case of Tsui Ming Choi?”

And you’re thinking, “Bang! Patay na ko! What is Tsui Ming Choi? Is that a new face whitener? Is it better than Ching Chang Chu?”

So if you do not have a thick face, my dear, law school is not for you (and when I say thick face I mean metaphorically, like not being embarrassed to speak in public. If you really do have a thick face, please don’t go to law school. Study plastic surgery instead. Or go to Vicky Belo and ask for a diamond peel.) The Socratic method, which is essentially the snobbishly intellectual way of saying “the teacher makes pusil“, is one of the most effective methods in teaching. It prepares you for facing an even more embarrassing time in court, when you don’t have time any more to ask your seatmates Ed Suson and Kelly Lim to coach you with the answers. You don’t have the liberty to tell the judge, “I’m sorry your Honor, naglibog na ko!”, even if you mean it in Cebuano, and not in Tagalog. (Please don’t ever study in Manila)

The pusil helps. The very high standards of your teacher helps. The mountainous volume of xerox copies, books, and notes help you to prepare for an equally glamorous career as a lawyer stuck in a tiny cubicle facing nothing but xerox copies, books, and case folders. You have to go through all this hard work because this will help you for the Bar. See those law students with the big books studying at late hours of the night in Bo’s Coffee and Brown Cup? They’re not doing that because they’re pretentious and they want everybody to know that they are “law students.” They’re doing it because they have an exam tomorrow and they could not study at home, where the bed is so temptingly close by.

But is all that effort worth it? The Bar is 4 years and 6 months away, assuming that you’re not a working student.

Yes my dear, it’s very much worth it. When I took the Bar, I did not actually use the things that I learned in the review I did at a fancy law school in Manila. What came to me were the things I read in my books during my four years of law. When I was answering the Criminal Law Bar Questions I was hearing the voice of my teacher Judge Paredes, reciting the case citations of People vs. Cayat. When I glanced at the Labor Law questions, I grinned because under my teacher, Atty. Marquez, this would just have been a pop quiz. When I looked at Remedial Law, I saw the faces of Ed Suson and Kelly Lim, whispering the answers during pusil. Bahala na’g sayop ang gi hong-hong ni Ed og Kelly! Your four years preparing for the Bar will really all come back to you when you’re staring at the exam papers scratching your head and praying to God Almighty for an answer… any answer!

But I don’t want you to think that law school is just about studying, looking pretentious at coffee shops, and affecting a masochistic pair of eyebags (Yes Ging-ging, if you’re a law student, you can look emo without really trying. In Cebuano, the emo look is what we call “losyang“)

It’s not always this glamorous. Sometimes there are also endless nights of drinking, debauchery, and drunk arguments on the application of Art. 36 of the Family Code in the case of Amy “I’m not the Magnificent Atty.” Perez vs. Brix Ferraris. But remember, you’re not yet a lawyer. Unless you have rich classmates, you cannot start drinking Johnny Walker Black or Gray Goose Vodka, paired with caviar and exotic cheese. You’re just a law student, so get used to Añejo Rhum 65, Herba Bueno, and White Castle Whiskey, paired with barbecue, ngohiong and Star Margarine. If you save a lot of money, you might also try Tanduay with ice tea.

Do you need to study in an expensive law school in order to become a lawyer? Not necessarily. A law school doesn’t have to be expensive to be good, and at the same time, it doesn’t follow that an expensive law school is always good. I would like to recommend you to go to the best law school in…

…Junquera St., Cebu City. That school makes the best lawyers who blogs about showbiz!

Finally, the question remains, do you have what it takes to survive law school?

Well you have to ask yourself that very honest question.

As for me, I honestly had no plans to study law. I was only there because my dad told me that being a lawyer is cool. You get invited to barrio fiestas and they reserve to you the next best seat in the house, the one right behind the priest. Perfect strangers impressed with your title ask you to be the godparent of their children during baptisms. You are issued this fancy metal thing that makes impressions of your name on a long size bond paper and has the magical power of converting a mere scrap of paper into a public document that is admissible in court without authenticating the same for genuineness and due execution. It’s almost like being a superhero, like Darna and Captain Barbel.

But mostly, I studied law because I was impressed by the movie Legally Blonde (It’s not Barely Legal ha? It’s Legally Blonde).

Wow! Will I have a sexy classmate like Elle Woods? I hurriedly signed up right away and said that I will just give it one sem. If I like Law, then I will continue it. If I don’t, I can continue with my dreams of becoming one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

So imagine to my surprise, when I showed up in class, no one was blonde or carried a chihuahua in their handbags! I was very sad. But I promised myself one sem, so I gave it a try anyway.

It was one of the happiest times in my life. I made so many friends in Room 210, my original homeroom. I discovered that I had a long lost cousin among the Senior law students, who took me to late night drinking sessions with the Seniors. I discovered that I am immune to hangovers! I was so happy that I forgot to study!

So I failed my mid-terms in Criminal Law 1 and Constitutional Law 1.

It was then that I realized that life in law school was not about late night partying, looking pretentious in coffee shops, or speaking in an alien tongue indecipherable to ordinary men. It’s also about sacrifice, hardship, effort and determination. It’s also about drinking copious amounts of Extra Joss and trying hard to compress two months worth of studying into one night before the mid-term exams. It’s about lining up in 3KM and studiously waiting for the latest cases and notes to be photocopied and distributed. It’s about political maneuvers and befriending upperclass law students for precious tips and notes. It’s about trusting your classmates to have studied better than you and asking them for answers when your name is called for pusil.

It’s a grand tradition, and slowly you become subsumed by the whole College of Law and start feeling that you’re part of one big happy family.

So I fell in love with my course. I fell in love with the Law. I fell in love with my classmates but was busted again and again and again. My one semester in the college quickly grew into four years. Four glorious years of having your stomach tied in knots, waiting for Ma’am Vicky to announce who passed in Espedido’s exam. Four years of standing before the altars of my patron saints, St. Jude Thaddeus, St. Therese of Lisieux, Our Mother of Perpetual Help, San Pedro, San Juan, San Diego and San Miguel Beer, lighting a candle and asking for a miracle, “Please Lord, Please! Let me get a 3.0 in Atty. Mayol’s exam!”

You have to have determination and an iron will to see it through because again and again and again, you will be tempted to give up. You WILL question yourself, why did I take up Law? It’s too hard for me, I should have taken Quantum Physics instead! You will ask yourself if becoming a lawyer is worth it, and let me tell you ahead Ging-ging, sometimes I still ask myself that question. You face corruption in the courts. The money is not as easy as they said it would come. You have to work long hours and get used to worrying about meeting a prescriptive period for a pleading that you’re filing. You have to get used to abrasive personalities and antagonistic opposing counsels.

Have you ever heard the song “The Scientist” by Coldplay? Studying Law is like that. “Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.” And when you finally graduate Law and take the Bar? Well, you find yourself singing Green Day’s, “Wake Me Up When September Ends.”

Law is no joke Ging-ging. It’s four years of your time, money and effort spent taking a risk in passing a national examination where only 3 out of 10 students become lawyers. It’s one big gamble, and if you don’t have the stomach for risk or the determination to see things through, then this course is not for you.

If your heart is not into the course, then you should not study law. Pursue your dreams of becoming a Bellestar dancer instead. You’re only young once in your life. Twice, if you’re Demi Moore. Four years can be a pretty long time when you’re a law student.

Still not convinced?

Give it one semester, just like I did and see how it goes. If you think that law is for you, then by all means, full steam ahead! I wish you good luck and hope that I will see you someday and call you my compañera. If not, well…

…if you ever need a good lawyer who will entertain you with showbiz chismis, my name is Janjan and I am the Magnificent Atty. Perez. Take care and more power to you.

Sincerely,

the Magnificent Atty. Perez

NOTA BENE:  Someone actually DID ask me to write this blog.  Apparently, I’m now accepting requests.  Being a minor Internet celebrity is hard work!  I can’t keep up with the pressure of fame and stardom! 

Why Magnificent? July 4, 2007

Posted by Janjan in All, I, Lawyer, Idiocy.
6 comments

I would just like to thank all my fans for helping me reach the 78 daily hit mark yesterday. Much much thanks especially to MLQ3 for plugging my site, yet again and again, because it was your readers that helped me hit the target.

Because of your efforts, I was able to land an interview with Boy Abunda, which is one of my lifelong dreams and ambitions. Unfortunately, Boy ran out of time to air my segment because the network told him to focus on the Sam Milby special. Anyway, since I owe all my fans and stalkers an explanation of why my blog is called the “Magnificent Atty. Perez”, I will just give you a transcript of that interview:

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Hello… Ako po si Boy Abunda at ito po ang “The Buzzzzhhh!” Ngayon po, mga tito at tita, may special guest tayo coming all the way from Cebu City, isang minor blogging celebrity sa Internet na nagsa-sideline bilang lawyer sa isang lawfirm doon po sa Cebu. Please say hello to the Magnificent Atty. Perez!!! Palakpakan po natin siya!!!

Hello Boy… Hello po sa mga suking televiewers ng “The Buzzzhhh” Ako poy natutuwa na maging guest ninyo dito sa show. To quote yung bagong nanalo sa Little Miss Philippines at chaka sa That’s My Boy, “Ang sabi nila: ang batang di marunong magsalita sa sariling wika, ay higit pang sa amoy ng mabahong isda. Ako po si Magnificent Atty. Perez, Filipino, of legal age, single, lumulupyo Barangay Capitol Site, Cebu Cityyyyyyy!!!” *bow!*

Before anything po, Magnificent, kumusta na ba yung tour mo? Narinig ko’y dahil sa success ng blog mo, may sarili ka na daw na recording contract with Viva Records chaka you’re touring around Pasil, Cebu holding a concert with your band, The Ambulance Chasers. Kumusta na ba yun?

Why, I’m so happy, thanks Lord, pinatupad Mo ang pangarap ko. Thanks also to Bamboo, for my opening act… please watch Bamboo folks! They’re a good band!

Wowww, ang galeng! Showbiz ka na pala, Magnificent, meron ka pa bang ibang plans? Like acting… gusto mo rin bang nasa movies? Sa teleserye, ganun…

Oo… may offer si Direk Joey na i-pe-paire up daw ako para love-team ng magaganda at sexy’ng starlet…. ewan ko ba, hindi pa nila ma-make up yung mga minds kung either daw si Keanna Reeves, si Chix Alcala o si Sam Milby yung magiging ka-love team ko. Request ko lang, Direk, sana si Sarah Geronimo, idol ko kasi siya. *gigil*

I think meron ding offer sa ABS-CBN, they want me to join a teleserye kasi uso na daw yung revival of classic TV series like “Flor de Luna,” kaya ganun… they want me to star in a revival series, popular daw back in the 1980’s… ako daw yung pinaka-visible na character dun. Ano nga pala yung name ng series na yun? Aw oo nga pala, “Regal Shockers”.

Ang ganda ng buhay! Sa Pinoy Big Brother, I heard may offer din daw that you will join the celebrity edition with Chiz Escudero and fellow internet celebrity, Mia “Hindi Ako Si Chad!” Borja… totoo ba?

Meron ding offers, pero ewan ko ba… baka may conflict of interest. Client ko kasi yung Cebuano Big Brother, si Budoy. May ipa-file kaming case against Big Brother… forcible entry through stealth and intimidation. Bakit daw pina-evict si Budoy, walang legal grounds si Kuya. So ganun… hindi lang ako mag-comment, baka prejudicial sa case, di ba? Abangan mo na lang…

Mr. Magnificent, may malaking clamor sa mga fans ng site mo… marami na pong nagtatanong… ibig nilang malaman… bakit ba “Magnificent”? I mean, andami ng adjectives sa English language… ba’t hindi “The Handsome Atty. Perez” o di kaya “The Pretentious Atty. Perez” o “The Constipated Atty. Perez”? Bakit “Magnificent”?

O sige, I will tell you the story:

I have a long time friend named Roy Sevilla Ho, and I looked up to him because he was the coolest guy I knew. He collects comics, reads Shakespeare and gets laid every night of the week except Wednesdays (because Farscape is showing on AXN during Wednesday nights). Anyway, he and his bestfriends Chris Granert and Paolo Thelmo were members of this group that called themselves the Magnificent Bastards.

Now me and my bestfriend Ken, who also looks up to Roy, wanted to become Magnificent Bastards ourselves but Roy said that we were not up to their level of bastardry, so he said that Ken and I could be the Junior Bastards, as a consolation prize. He said that it will take many more bottles of beer before Ken and I could truly call ourselves Magnificent Bastards.

But I wanted to be Magnificent! So there, when I become a lawyer, I knew what I had to become, the Magnificent Atty. Perez!

And that’s my story.

Oy ang showbiz! May storya pala. So ano sa tingin mo… na-reach mo na ba ang level of bastardry ni Roy?

“I try but eets so harrddd!”, sabi nga ni Maritess ng Superfriends. That’s why I practice everyday with my blog. My target is to piss off one person everyhour, while maintaining my regular diet of San Mig Pilsen and sizzling shawarma. Someday Roy, someday! You cannot stop me from reaching my goals and dreams!

Ngayon Magnificent Atty., nasa harap mo na ngayon ang magic mirror… ano ba ang inyong nakikita?

Eyebags! Cellulite! Hemorrhoids! Ay sorry, si Mike Arroyo pala.

Oy wag naman po… sorry to Papa Mike! Magnificent Atty. Perez, maraming ding nagtaka… wala daw po kayong picture dito sa WordPress, so gusto nilang malaman… In fernezzz, what do you look like ba? Are you pretty? Are you ugly?

May nagsabi that I’m pretty, pero meron ring nagsasabing I’m ugly, but alam mo, you’re both right! The truth is, I’m pretty ugly. 😉

So request lang daw sa fans mo, paki post naman ng piktyur! Baka ma-discover ka pa ni Mother Lily o ni Kuya Germs!

O sige… eto na nga!

O mga fans…. ayon, tapos na po ang segment natin “Why Magnificent?”. Salamat po ni Magnificent Atty. Perez for being on our show. Abangan na lang po ninyo ang susunod na kabanata, “Sam Milby: What’s the truth between you and Piolo Pascual?” Dito lang po sa “The Buzzzhhh!!”